Sitting across from the table she gazed intently at her. How could she have missed her? She knew her for the person she was (somewhat) but now as she looked at her in that dim kitchen light she wondered how she could have really missed her.
They sat in silence. It was late at night. Zoya asked if she wanted another cup of tea. She nodded in the affirmative not thinking and followed her slight figure get up from the chair and walk toward the stove. Her long skirt flirted around her ankles as she moved pouring water in the kettle.
There wasn't much in common between them. Yet, there was something about Zoya she couldn't resist. She was an extrovert with a nervous energy about her. Zoya, on the contrary, was a woman of few words and a calm disposition. One would say almost aloof who didn't let on much. And it was precisely that that made up for the air of mystery around her that intrigued the girl.
Now as she made her tea, she realized there was something more to her than just her composed and calm disposition that was so endearing.
She placed the tea on the table and sat next to her. They watched the steam curl up fogging up the spoon that she held gingerly over the cup. They struggled to fill the silence. Earlier that day, she had thought out stories to recount but now not a word escaped her. Scared she would sound silly and embarrass herself she kept quiet. Zoya, on the other hand, was just plain tired.
The silence was numbing. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Zoya's husband burst into the kitchen asking if they were ready to call it a day. It was late after all and it had been a long day.
She sensed relief in Zoya's voice as she said 'yes'. She, in the meanwhile, wanted just a little more of their time together. Even if it meant sitting in silence.
But not wanting to be difficult she said she was ready for bed. Zoya led her to the guest room up the wooden spiral staircase. It was a cozy room with lace curtains, pictures on the wall, beautiful lamp shades, an antique chest of drawers and wall paper that accentuated the beauty of the room.
She sat on the bed feeling a little lost. Zoya stood at the door smiling wearily. 'See you tomorrow morning' she said and was off.
She continued sitting on the bed surveying the room and gradually proceeded to survey her life.
Life had been a struggle and through it all she had somehow managed to get through. But the hardships had left a void in her heart, a yearning for peace and love. She had never felt completely happy and free or been able to live to her full potential. It gnawed her but over time she shirked off feelings of regret and took each day as it came.
But when she met Zoya it was a stark reminder of the things she never had.
A happy home to begin with. She was married into a large joint family. It didn't feel like hers. She had little authority and not much freedom. The atmosphere was always stifling and there was little cheer. She yearned to have her own home one day. One that she would keep pretty and joyful. One where she'd feel she belonged.
One where she would feel safe.
Now as she sat in the room, she felt a pang. She really wished she had a happy home, a life of her own. She saw Zoya live the life she always wanted and maybe unbeknownst to her, it was this emptiness in her heart that made her want her to be close to Zoya and be part of the perfect life she led.
Her perfect life.
She heard Zoya wrap up for the day. Oh, to be close to her. She pulled the blanket over her and curled under it.
Sleep... chief nourisher in life's feast.
That night she dreamed of them. A vision in the mirror. They were both naked. She stood in front while Zoya stood behind holding her close by the shoulders. The sun streamed in through a window and painted them in soft white light. Not a word was spoken but she felt understood. It was warm, peaceful and calm. The dream trailed off in a haze but when she woke up next morning the comforting feeling lingered on.
She felt composed. Just like Zoya. She sat in bed holding on to that peaceful feeling that enveloped her. It was so beautiful it felt surreal. The sun shone in the room just like in the dream. It was so soothing she could almost taste it. A sweet buttery taste.
She got ready to leave and tip toed across the kitchen, round the back garden and got in her car. She didn't want to see her. Seeing her stirred up emotions she couldn't handle anymore.
The emptiness. The sadness. The pain. The struggles. The loneliness.
They sat in silence. It was late at night. Zoya asked if she wanted another cup of tea. She nodded in the affirmative not thinking and followed her slight figure get up from the chair and walk toward the stove. Her long skirt flirted around her ankles as she moved pouring water in the kettle.
There wasn't much in common between them. Yet, there was something about Zoya she couldn't resist. She was an extrovert with a nervous energy about her. Zoya, on the contrary, was a woman of few words and a calm disposition. One would say almost aloof who didn't let on much. And it was precisely that that made up for the air of mystery around her that intrigued the girl.
Now as she made her tea, she realized there was something more to her than just her composed and calm disposition that was so endearing.
She placed the tea on the table and sat next to her. They watched the steam curl up fogging up the spoon that she held gingerly over the cup. They struggled to fill the silence. Earlier that day, she had thought out stories to recount but now not a word escaped her. Scared she would sound silly and embarrass herself she kept quiet. Zoya, on the other hand, was just plain tired.
The silence was numbing. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Zoya's husband burst into the kitchen asking if they were ready to call it a day. It was late after all and it had been a long day.
She sensed relief in Zoya's voice as she said 'yes'. She, in the meanwhile, wanted just a little more of their time together. Even if it meant sitting in silence.
But not wanting to be difficult she said she was ready for bed. Zoya led her to the guest room up the wooden spiral staircase. It was a cozy room with lace curtains, pictures on the wall, beautiful lamp shades, an antique chest of drawers and wall paper that accentuated the beauty of the room.
She sat on the bed feeling a little lost. Zoya stood at the door smiling wearily. 'See you tomorrow morning' she said and was off.
She continued sitting on the bed surveying the room and gradually proceeded to survey her life.
Life had been a struggle and through it all she had somehow managed to get through. But the hardships had left a void in her heart, a yearning for peace and love. She had never felt completely happy and free or been able to live to her full potential. It gnawed her but over time she shirked off feelings of regret and took each day as it came.
But when she met Zoya it was a stark reminder of the things she never had.
A happy home to begin with. She was married into a large joint family. It didn't feel like hers. She had little authority and not much freedom. The atmosphere was always stifling and there was little cheer. She yearned to have her own home one day. One that she would keep pretty and joyful. One where she'd feel she belonged.
One where she would feel safe.
Now as she sat in the room, she felt a pang. She really wished she had a happy home, a life of her own. She saw Zoya live the life she always wanted and maybe unbeknownst to her, it was this emptiness in her heart that made her want her to be close to Zoya and be part of the perfect life she led.
Her perfect life.
She heard Zoya wrap up for the day. Oh, to be close to her. She pulled the blanket over her and curled under it.
Sleep... chief nourisher in life's feast.
That night she dreamed of them. A vision in the mirror. They were both naked. She stood in front while Zoya stood behind holding her close by the shoulders. The sun streamed in through a window and painted them in soft white light. Not a word was spoken but she felt understood. It was warm, peaceful and calm. The dream trailed off in a haze but when she woke up next morning the comforting feeling lingered on.
She felt composed. Just like Zoya. She sat in bed holding on to that peaceful feeling that enveloped her. It was so beautiful it felt surreal. The sun shone in the room just like in the dream. It was so soothing she could almost taste it. A sweet buttery taste.
She got ready to leave and tip toed across the kitchen, round the back garden and got in her car. She didn't want to see her. Seeing her stirred up emotions she couldn't handle anymore.
The emptiness. The sadness. The pain. The struggles. The loneliness.
As she drove off she looked in the rear view mirror and saw Zoya run into the garden watching her pull onto the main road.
She stood by the fence waving. The sun bathing her in that familiar soft white light.
Just like in the dream.
