His voice came thin and tense over the long distance line. The unmistakable quiver in his voice, the sound of speeding cars in the background intercepted by the shrill of crickets didn't exactly evoke a pleasant feeling in Annie on the other end of the line. She waited giving him time to gather his thoughts. 'I won't be able to make it tonight. I still have...' He paused for another car to pass by. When the noise faded into oblivion, he resumed. '...another 6 hours till I get home and it’s already getting dark.'
'Where are you right now?'
'Still on the freeway 80 miles from Hersht. I'll keep driving till I see a motel to put up for the night. Is that ok?'
'Yes, but do be careful. I'll see you in the morning then?'
'Yes, G'night. Love you.'
'Love you too.' He hung up suddenly feeling very lonely. The sun made long shadows on the gravel. He looked at the sky turn a slow dark purple and felt his heart sink. He longed to be home to his wife sipping on tea while they watched TV.
It had been a hard life. Growing up poor where nothing was taken for granted was a lesson he had learnt early on; one that had become a way of life for him. His father, a rough hardworking man of loud ways and a booming voice, worked tirelessly to keep the roof over their heads. His mother, a thrifty and a strong spirited woman made sure nothing was wasted. With money hard to come by and three little mouths to feed the parents seemed perpetually harried. The constant squabbles over money, the children, and limited provisions did little to bring cheer to the house. Ivanko’s childhood memories consisted of waiting in long ration lines in people's hand-me-downs, playing football in the dark narrow alleys and waking up to cold damp days. There were, however, lighter moments when they would go out for an evening of movie and dinner, a welcome change to their dreary existence.
His parents divorced when he was barely 10. He knew all along it was going to happen someday what with the bitter fights and endless arguments. And when it did, it hit him hard. Being the eldest he felt oddly responsible. He withdrew into himself and sought solace at his best friend's house where everything seemed picture perfect. But when his best friend's parents too separated, he lost all faith in the institution of marriage, in the concept of a family. As he grew older crumbling marriages and broken relationships became common news. Concerned that he would never be able to have a successful relationship himself, he decided never to get married. He concentrated on his career and worked his way out of the poverty. But life had other plans for him. He met his girlfriend while in his final year at university and in spite of himself got married a few years later.
The insecurity and fear of his marriage failing made him anxious and he made every effort to keep the threads of his marriage intact. Ever so often, he felt engulfed by that familiar feeling of desperation. Try as he might, he couldn't wish it off. Will he too end up like his parents? It could be his turn too one day. Why did relationships have to be so complicated? Why couldn't we live in harmony? The world isn’t so bad he reasoned, and there are many who lead fulfilling lives with their spouses until the very end.
‘Just be’ he reassured himself.
Now, cruising down the freeway back from one of his work trips, he peeled his eyes for a motel. There was little else about but vast spaces of nothingness, dry earth and desert shrubs. He drove for an hour before catching a glow in the distance. As he got closer he noticed the glow came from a farm house sitting conspicuously in the middle of the desert. There were a couple of dusty pick-up trucks parked arbitrarily in front of the house. A rusted wire-fence ran from the side of the house before running aground at a corner. Metal scraps, dirty chicken coops and farm tools were thrown carelessly about. The only inviting aspects were a couple of wooden benches facing the open landscape. These looked like they were being used.
He took the chance and he drove off the freeway onto the dusty path to ask for directions to the closest motel. A dim night lamp lit the tiny doorbell. He pushed it hard till it gave out a harsh ring. A dog barked. Ivanko, his heart pounding, suddenly had second thoughts and was about to leave when a genial looking woman with delicate features and a small frame opened the door. Ivanko began asking for directions for a motel when she cut him short and ushered him in with a friendly wave. Surprised, he stepped in.
It was a neat immaculate house, quite contrary to its ramshackle appearance outside. At the far end of the room crackled a fire and a group of people sat around it looking rather grim. He followed the woman to the group who gave him a very puzzled look. The lady explained that he was lost and was looking for a place to put up for the night. After a moment’s hesitation an elderly man with a shock of white hair shuffled to his feet his hands extended in a hand shake. The man introduced himself as the husband of the lady. Ivanko glanced at the group huddled on the sofa; a couple of adults, a few children, and a sleeping baby cradled very lovingly in one of the girl’s arms. A cat sat quietly by the fireplace looking rather bored.
‘Make yourself at home’ said the man gruffly and pulled him a chair. Ivanko sat rather awkwardly feeling their gaze on him. He introduced himself and gave them a glimpse into his life, and his work. The group listened with keen interest. He noticed how stiff they were and sensed fear in their eyes. Very slowly they introduced themselves in a rather officious way, cold and dry. They were family – a mix of sons and daughters. There was a foreboding feeling one couldn’t ignore. The conversation got off to an uncomfortable start with reluctant one-liners and long pauses but as the evening wore on the somber mood gradually started to fade. The group started opening up and the conversations took on an easy cadence. They joked, teased and shared stories about people and places. It didn’t take them long to come out of their shell thought Ivanko. He felt he had known this happy group for a long time. He let his guard down and for the first time he felt inexplicably comfortable with himself. There was no fear, no anxiety, and no regrets – in this moment he was a new person, carefree and confident.
The group too looked a different people. There was a glow about them. They forgot about their worries, whatever they might be, and chatted merrily. Children played and ran about the house screaming excitedly. The cat taken aback by the sudden ruckus hid behind an old armchair and eyed everyone with suspicion.
Dinner was a simple fare. Someone corked open an aged wine bottle to loud cheers and applause. Wine flowed freely and the meal simple though sumptuous filled Ivanko who by this time, a little light headed, was full of funny tales and anecdotes. People laughed, raised their glasses to the unexpected guest. Dinner was followed by desserts around the fireplace and more joyful moments.
When Ivanko went to sleep that night, he lay awake reliving every moment since he stepped in this nondescript happy home. He felt a change come over him; one of contentment and faith that families can live well together - taking care of each other and overcoming life’s travails together. Life, after all, didn’t have to be this serious. With his faith somewhat restored he felt a burden lift off of his shoulders. For the first time he felt could just be. He closed his eyes and was transported to a faraway place that knew neither anxiety nor fear.
Morning dawned to a lively house and excited chatter. After a sumptuous breakfast with the family he got ready for the road. As he was leaving the eldest son, Joe, asked if he could ride with him to the next town. Happy to oblige they left together.
Joe seemed a little preoccupied. Ivanko pulled over to his stop and thanked him for the wonderful stay. Just as he was going about to drive off, there was a tap on the window. With an earnest look in his eyes Joe said 'This is going to sound incredulous but it’s you we need to thank. Thank you for helping my parents find each other again. Just before you turned up at our door, they had been fighting and on the verge of moving out. You came in and they felt happy and themselves again. There’s hope. Thank you.’
'Where are you right now?'
'Still on the freeway 80 miles from Hersht. I'll keep driving till I see a motel to put up for the night. Is that ok?'
'Yes, but do be careful. I'll see you in the morning then?'
'Yes, G'night. Love you.'
'Love you too.' He hung up suddenly feeling very lonely. The sun made long shadows on the gravel. He looked at the sky turn a slow dark purple and felt his heart sink. He longed to be home to his wife sipping on tea while they watched TV.
It had been a hard life. Growing up poor where nothing was taken for granted was a lesson he had learnt early on; one that had become a way of life for him. His father, a rough hardworking man of loud ways and a booming voice, worked tirelessly to keep the roof over their heads. His mother, a thrifty and a strong spirited woman made sure nothing was wasted. With money hard to come by and three little mouths to feed the parents seemed perpetually harried. The constant squabbles over money, the children, and limited provisions did little to bring cheer to the house. Ivanko’s childhood memories consisted of waiting in long ration lines in people's hand-me-downs, playing football in the dark narrow alleys and waking up to cold damp days. There were, however, lighter moments when they would go out for an evening of movie and dinner, a welcome change to their dreary existence.
His parents divorced when he was barely 10. He knew all along it was going to happen someday what with the bitter fights and endless arguments. And when it did, it hit him hard. Being the eldest he felt oddly responsible. He withdrew into himself and sought solace at his best friend's house where everything seemed picture perfect. But when his best friend's parents too separated, he lost all faith in the institution of marriage, in the concept of a family. As he grew older crumbling marriages and broken relationships became common news. Concerned that he would never be able to have a successful relationship himself, he decided never to get married. He concentrated on his career and worked his way out of the poverty. But life had other plans for him. He met his girlfriend while in his final year at university and in spite of himself got married a few years later.
The insecurity and fear of his marriage failing made him anxious and he made every effort to keep the threads of his marriage intact. Ever so often, he felt engulfed by that familiar feeling of desperation. Try as he might, he couldn't wish it off. Will he too end up like his parents? It could be his turn too one day. Why did relationships have to be so complicated? Why couldn't we live in harmony? The world isn’t so bad he reasoned, and there are many who lead fulfilling lives with their spouses until the very end.
‘Just be’ he reassured himself.
Now, cruising down the freeway back from one of his work trips, he peeled his eyes for a motel. There was little else about but vast spaces of nothingness, dry earth and desert shrubs. He drove for an hour before catching a glow in the distance. As he got closer he noticed the glow came from a farm house sitting conspicuously in the middle of the desert. There were a couple of dusty pick-up trucks parked arbitrarily in front of the house. A rusted wire-fence ran from the side of the house before running aground at a corner. Metal scraps, dirty chicken coops and farm tools were thrown carelessly about. The only inviting aspects were a couple of wooden benches facing the open landscape. These looked like they were being used.
He took the chance and he drove off the freeway onto the dusty path to ask for directions to the closest motel. A dim night lamp lit the tiny doorbell. He pushed it hard till it gave out a harsh ring. A dog barked. Ivanko, his heart pounding, suddenly had second thoughts and was about to leave when a genial looking woman with delicate features and a small frame opened the door. Ivanko began asking for directions for a motel when she cut him short and ushered him in with a friendly wave. Surprised, he stepped in.
It was a neat immaculate house, quite contrary to its ramshackle appearance outside. At the far end of the room crackled a fire and a group of people sat around it looking rather grim. He followed the woman to the group who gave him a very puzzled look. The lady explained that he was lost and was looking for a place to put up for the night. After a moment’s hesitation an elderly man with a shock of white hair shuffled to his feet his hands extended in a hand shake. The man introduced himself as the husband of the lady. Ivanko glanced at the group huddled on the sofa; a couple of adults, a few children, and a sleeping baby cradled very lovingly in one of the girl’s arms. A cat sat quietly by the fireplace looking rather bored.
‘Make yourself at home’ said the man gruffly and pulled him a chair. Ivanko sat rather awkwardly feeling their gaze on him. He introduced himself and gave them a glimpse into his life, and his work. The group listened with keen interest. He noticed how stiff they were and sensed fear in their eyes. Very slowly they introduced themselves in a rather officious way, cold and dry. They were family – a mix of sons and daughters. There was a foreboding feeling one couldn’t ignore. The conversation got off to an uncomfortable start with reluctant one-liners and long pauses but as the evening wore on the somber mood gradually started to fade. The group started opening up and the conversations took on an easy cadence. They joked, teased and shared stories about people and places. It didn’t take them long to come out of their shell thought Ivanko. He felt he had known this happy group for a long time. He let his guard down and for the first time he felt inexplicably comfortable with himself. There was no fear, no anxiety, and no regrets – in this moment he was a new person, carefree and confident.
The group too looked a different people. There was a glow about them. They forgot about their worries, whatever they might be, and chatted merrily. Children played and ran about the house screaming excitedly. The cat taken aback by the sudden ruckus hid behind an old armchair and eyed everyone with suspicion.
Dinner was a simple fare. Someone corked open an aged wine bottle to loud cheers and applause. Wine flowed freely and the meal simple though sumptuous filled Ivanko who by this time, a little light headed, was full of funny tales and anecdotes. People laughed, raised their glasses to the unexpected guest. Dinner was followed by desserts around the fireplace and more joyful moments.
When Ivanko went to sleep that night, he lay awake reliving every moment since he stepped in this nondescript happy home. He felt a change come over him; one of contentment and faith that families can live well together - taking care of each other and overcoming life’s travails together. Life, after all, didn’t have to be this serious. With his faith somewhat restored he felt a burden lift off of his shoulders. For the first time he felt could just be. He closed his eyes and was transported to a faraway place that knew neither anxiety nor fear.
Morning dawned to a lively house and excited chatter. After a sumptuous breakfast with the family he got ready for the road. As he was leaving the eldest son, Joe, asked if he could ride with him to the next town. Happy to oblige they left together.
Joe seemed a little preoccupied. Ivanko pulled over to his stop and thanked him for the wonderful stay. Just as he was going about to drive off, there was a tap on the window. With an earnest look in his eyes Joe said 'This is going to sound incredulous but it’s you we need to thank. Thank you for helping my parents find each other again. Just before you turned up at our door, they had been fighting and on the verge of moving out. You came in and they felt happy and themselves again. There’s hope. Thank you.’
